Howdy. I’ve been watching you from afar these past few months, and I thought I’d get in touch, because, well, I’m worried about you. Hell, the world is worried about you, and we’re also worried for ourselves. Your quadrennial election saturnalia has always been entertaining to us. What’s not to like? From the painfully long…
I went to bed late last night. The polls indicated the Remain campaign would be victorious. So I shut down the computer, went to sleep and had a wonderful dream about going back into a barber to have him fix the haircut he had left me with earlier in the same dream. When I awoke…
Astronaut Gene Cernan is the subject of a documentary called The Last Man On The Moon. At one point he is interviewed at his ranch, sitting on his porch staring up at an infinite clear night sky. The camera moves from Gene to show a giant full moon, and he reminisces about having to remind…
It was a normal day. The Slipknot song blaring on the stereo alarm eventually bludgeoned me awake. I got up, had a cigarette, washed, sat, contemplated life, had a cigarette, and thought about, then decided against, breakfast. I looked out the window, gauged the weather, and dressed appropriately. I packed my bag, grabbed my keys,…
The following words were written on 3 different planes on a return trip to LA in February of this year. I hate flying, and usually use alcohol to calm my nerves. In this case I more or less relied on Valium. As my mind races I try to write down exactly what I am thinking…
The morning after the night before was trying to teach me a lesson, and my body was revolting, both literally and figuratively. I was as comfortable as I could have been, given the internal punishment to which I was being subjected, but I needed supplies. I made the brave, but necessary choice to leave the…
I was dreaming. It was one of those “now I’m doing this…wait, now I’m over here” dreams. What turned out to be the final scene took place in the familiar environs of my bathroom at home. For a dream, that’s about as exotic as setting a Bond movie final showdown in Scotland. Yes that actually…
I am what people would call a worrier. I worry about everything. I expect things to go wrong. People say I’m pessimistic, and they’re correct. Why be an optimist? Where’s the fun in that? The world is a nasty place where the idiots are in control. If you constantly expect the best, you’re going to…
Which You Is In Charge? There are three of me. Only one of us has to deal with consequences. That’s the one you all see. The other two guys are constantly bickering, constantly vying for my attention. My body and mind are the ship, these 2 are the mouthy co-pilots, the backseat drivers. Every decision…
Hello Earthlings. My name would be difficult for your one mouth to pronounce, so let’s just call me Simon. Simon the Alien. I am an adventurer and traveler like your, how do you say, Snowboarders or David Attenboroughs. Having been here on Earth for a little while documenting my experiences for my intergalactic blog, I…
